First Happy

dearoldlove:

I want you to be happy. I just want to be happy first.

Estimations

dearoldlove:

At first, I underestimated you and thought you would leave me. Then I overestimated you, believing that you wouldn’t.

Winner

dearoldlove:

You loved her without the sex. You only stayed with me because of the sex. My instincts tell me she won.

someone.

Is that’s what my future holds? In the arms of someone that treats me
right, but I don’t love?

I know im not going to last with him. I know its going to end. All I
feel for him is… pain. All I feel is this deep sadness. I feel…
tricked. I have no strenght to leave him. But he has no problem
whatsoever to do so… so when he does, I won’t beg.
I can’t beg.

Next break up will be the last.

This tought is making me sick.
This tought… I should… think of some words to say that would mean
something worth reading.

fuckbuddy.

So,
I came to the conclusion that im more of a fuck buddy than a lover. Im
more of a sex thing than anything.
And lets face it, the truth is. He just keeps you around cause your good
in bed. Nothing more. He just keeps you cause you’re an easy fuck. Just
an easy fuck.

…last night.

Last night, was. The worst ever. I don’t really care who started. He
didn’t do much to stop it. One kiss, one kiss from his lips can do…and
has done miracles. He has complete power of my being and yet. He doesn’t
do anything about it, anything to remedy the pain.
So, why did it end up… black? All black. Actually… gray.
He took cared of me. He did.
But he was so much more scared about himself getting yelled at, accused
than me.

At one point. He… fucked me.
And I swear, I’ve never felt so much like a plaything like I did when
his cock rubbed all over on my… ugh.
I wasn’t wet, couldn’t he tell?
Yet, he rubbed on the right spot and he did… enter.

He came. He did. It was disgusting. But I didn’t burst into tears. Not
once.
He was being mushy, and that was all I wanted.
When I got home… I
didn’t cry. I just. Slept.

… in the morning he was back to being a dick.

I forgot.

I forgot how to sleep, I only truly did. And to think I’ve forgotten…
Too many toughts are flowing in, and all I want is to go to that place
where I used to see stars and ache over the past. I need to heal.
I need. To heal.
Heartaches were supposed to seize with his leave.
Supposed…

he told me he was depressed…

“ofcourse!
because, I’ve never seen him once cry. Have suicidal toughts.
or, Stated how he can’t live without you. Get his hair pulled, punched…

yup, he is inddeed depressed. *inserts sarcasm* ” -my friend.

i know what’s going to be the outcome of all of this. Why am I delaying it so, why am i… being so… clingy about it?

morningcommasunshine:

boy: what’s wrong?
girl: i’m just tired.
boy: maybe you should sleep.
girl: no. i am tired of everything.